Christmas Truce, Anyone?
by TheLegendaryMiko
Summary: It's Christmas time and a temporary truce has been formed between the villains and heroes of Gotham City. But, will everything go as planned?
1. Part I

This was written during Christmas time and I feel like posting it in February. YAY.

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Bruce arrived an hour earlier than the agreed time; two hours ahead of schedule. He had meant to make his grand entrance fashionably late, but that plan had been shattered with Alfred pointing out, somewhat snarkily, that he'd be clad in all black with his alternate ego coming out to play and **not **billionaire playboy.

This meant, of course, that Batman had to come early, _very early. _While a truce had been called for the special occasion, most of those attending were not to be completely trusted and so exits needed to be secured and rooms need to be scoped out. He had checked everything yesterday when they had decorated the place and even in the morning when the final preparations were made, but still – one could never be too careful. Especially if a purple clad individual was going to make an appearance as well.

The armload of brightly colored red and green boxes were starting to cause his arms to ache so he set them down underneath the tree they'd set up the day before. Once he arranged the boxes around the base, he pulled out a sparkly purple package from his bag and placed it neatly on top of of the middle stack, giving it a fond pat. Yeah, he was a pain, a _major _one, but being enemies for so long had caused their relationship to morph into something somewhat familiar and maybe even a tiny bit friendly. It seemed so wrong _not _to get the man a gift.

Bruce grinned. He couldn't wait to see his mortal enemy's face. A small sense of pride filled his chest at the image of gleeful giggling and a happy "Oh Bats, you shouldn't have!" He basked in the small daydream for awhile, then wiped the smile off his face, turned, and stepped into the nearest room. He had work to do and only about an hour before everyone would arrive.

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"Batman?" A familiar voice says.

Bruce blinks. And blinks again, rapidly, his mind short circuiting and shutting down. He's not quite sure that the green…_thing_…in front of him is the Commissioner. "Gordon?"

The green blurb nods and pulls the stupefied Batman into a hug. "I saw the gifts and was sorely relieved that I wasn't the first one." A hand moves to arrange the fluffy green and white hat perched on his head to a more comfortable angle. "Y'know, I really hate being the first person and all, so uh..thanks for that."

"Mhmm.." He really didn't need his brain anyways.

Noticing Batman's wide eyed stare, Gordon detaches himself and steps back. He spreads his hands out in a flourish. "Cool, right? I made it myself." He does a shimmy and the green smock-like suit flops around like a dying fish. "Betcha didn't know I'm handy with needle and thread."

_I just be you are,_ Bruce thinks dryly.

A knock on the door grabs both men's attention and Bruce is thankful that he can finally uncross his eyes. He promises himself to avoid staring in Gordon's direction for the rest of the night, lest he get caught up in that web of fashion disaster.

It's John and Bane. Each clasping Christmas themed bags in their hands.

"Hello." Bane dips his head politely.

"Uh yeah…Hi." John pushes forward, cheeks slightly flushed. "We uh..we didn't come..uh together…we just arrived..at the same time…"

Bane twinkles his eyes at Bruce and his lips twitch into an amused smile. "Yes, we arrived at the same time."

Bruce was about to point out, cheekily, to John that his gift bags were the same as Bane's when John let out a screech. "What is _that_?"

"What is what?" Gordon craned his head and looked all around.

"That!" John pointed at him. "What are you wearing?! Actually, what _are_ you?!"

Gordon pouted. "You can't tell?"

"NO! STAY AWAY!"

Gordon took a step forward. "I'm an elf.." He reached out to John, his arms like claws and the coarse green fabric brushes against John's cheek. "I made it myself. See, isn't it nice?"

Instant contact with Gordon's fingers causes his mouth to flap open and John yells, scrambling backwards. "Bane! Bane! _BANE, HELP! _" Bane glides forward and John latches onto his arm, wailing, "It's going to eat me! The green monster is going to _EAT _meee!"

Bane chuckles and places his hands onto John's shoulders, steering them past Bruce and Gordon and onto a sofa. He gathers John into his arms, who currently whimpering like a wounded, terrified puppy has completely forgotten to keep up the visage of them not being in a relationship, his head already buried into Bane's chest, and murmurs soothingly, "Shhh, _Habibi._ No one's going to eat you."

Gordon turns to Bruce with a wounded look. "Is it that terrible?"

Bruce winces, but shrugs his shoulders and turns back to the door to greet the new arrivals. "Glad you came."

"So are we, " giggles Harley and she gives him a tiny wave. She's dressed in a tiny santa outfit and he's quite amazed that her chest hasn't popped completely out of the tight fabric yet. "We almost didn't come." She glares indignantly at her partner. "Someone _forgot_ about it."

"I don't see what the big deal is, anyways." Grumbled Ivy. "Who is actually going to enjoy this? It's weird and plain creepy."

Harley smacks her shoulder. "It is **not **creepy! Or weird!"

"It is too!" Ivy transfers their bags into her left hand and tugs at the bell on the santa hat Harley had forced her to wear with her right. "What part of enemies do you not understand?!"

Harley shrieks at her. "It's Christmas damnit! We agreed on a truce! A truce!"

"So?! Villains and heroes partying and gettin' drunk on eggnog together doesn't seem _odd _to you?!"

Harley raises her other hand, revealing a giant candy cane plushie. She begins to wave it in the air, threateningly. "TRUCE! TRUCE! TRUCE!"

"This is sooo stupid!" screams Ivy. "Are you retarded?!"

"SHUT UP!" The candy cane plushie swoops down repeatedly and Harley yells with each swing, ignoring Ivy's yelps. "You. Will. Not. Ruin. This. Party." She bashes Ivy in the head one more time and shouts. "You **will** enjoy this and we **will **have a **good time**!"

Eyes blazing, Ivy tosses her head and strides forward. She has now officially sworn not to speak to her girlfriend for the rest of the evening. "Crazy bitch" she hisses under her breath, dumps their gifts under the tree, and finds a corner to sulk in.

Harley turns to Bruce, breathing heavily, and gives him an apologetic smile. "She's not really in the Christmas spirit."

He waves her off and makes another promise to himself to avoid them. No way will he get caught up in that couple's spat – not if he can help it.

"Batman."

"Two-face."

Bruce extends his hand and Harvey accepts, shaking it firmly. "Gifts, I assume, go under the tree?" He juts his chin forward and raises a eyebrow questioningly.

Bruce steps back and directs Harvey to the Christmas tree with a swoop of his arm. He watches Harvey bend down and place his gifts to one side and then make his way over to the moping Gordon who's already on his third cup of eggnog. "An elf, right?" Harvey remarks, tapping the Commissioner on the shoulder. Gordon smiles widely, his mood doing 180° in seconds. "YES, _finally_ someone who gets it."

A hand slides along his chest and he's suddenly staring down into glinting, sly eyes. "Selina."

"Batmmaaan," she purrs. "I had hoped you'd be wearing something more colorful than your usual black."

Bruce gently prys her hand from his pecs. "I like black."

"And I like _you." _She winks and then sashays forward. "Baaane, what are youdoing_,_ cuddling John like that? Did he _finally_ let you two publicly be a couple?"

John realizes what they look like and hurries out of Bane's arms. He struggles and lands in a heap onto the floor, his gaze scorching as he desperately seeks Bruce's from across the room. "Batman!" He cries loudly, from his spot on the ground. "I am **NOT **compromised!"

Bruce begins to laugh at John's panic untangling of limbs and increases the volume of his laughter at Bane's frustrated sigh. "Selina. I had just calmed him down." He helps John to his feet. "Habibi, stop. You're going to harm yourself."

Bruce quiets his chuckle and turns his attention back to the door. He finds himself straining his neck as he peers out into the dark street. He's not here yet….and Bruce is worried. "Maybe he thought that it wasn't worth his time," he mutters, a tinge of sadness he didn't realize echoing from his lips.

He almost didn't duck as a knife flew straight at him and buried itself into the wood of the door, right where his head had been. "Oh oh oh Batsy!" Chuckles flitted through the air. "Why did you hafta _move_?"

Bruce doesn't try to contain his grin. The corners of his mouth lift and he beams at the smaller man. "Joker." And without thinking, he pulls his nemesis into a hug. "I was a bit worried you wouldn't come."

Joker squirms out of the embrace and gives Bruce a once over. He narrows his eyes suspiciously. "Are you ok, Bats?" He smirks, despite the predatory gaze. "Did I finally break you my glorious Batmaaan?"

Bruce a bit sheepish, rubs the back of his cowl. "Uh…"

Joker presses on, interrupting him. "Not that I care or anything…soooo where can I put this? Annnnd more importantly, " he smacks his lips together gleefully, "when can we start opening gifts? Boy, are **you **in for a suuuurpise!"

Bruce groans and Joker's tongue darts out to lick the corner of his lips. "Awww don't be like that Batsy. I swear on all the kiddies of Gotham that it's not lethal…"

He shuffles his feet and lifts his hands defensively at Bruce's hard look. "Cross my heart and…uh.." He breaks out in snicker. "hope to die."

Bruce doesn't believe him, but steps aside and lets the Joker in anyway. He follows behind, closing the door, and grabs some of Joker's packages and helps him put them under the tree. "There. Now that everyone is here, the party can start."

Joker snorts and pushes Batman towards Gordon and Harvey, intent on getting eggnog for the both of them. "Hey, Bats, who invited the jacked up Kermit doll from hell?" He eyes Gordon's swaying body. "And uh…shouldn't we _stop _it from drinking anymore eggnog?"


	2. Part II

"Uh…." Joker takes a sip of his eggnog. "I dunno about you, but isn't the Commissioner…_supposed _to be **moderating **this whole party?" He giggles and licks his lips. "I fail to see how this is making sure we _don't _do something bad." Joker lets out another cackle as both he and Harvey survey the scene in front of them.

Bruce swears loudly under his breath – again. Gordon, intent on cuddling with the dark knight, was latched onto his arm and no amount of shaking or pushing was deterring him. Instead, he seemed to be getting _closer._

"Get. Off." He growled.

Gordon squeezed tighter, his eyes half lidded and his body swaying like a corn stalk in the wind. "Noo…" He whined. "Jus' huugg meeee baack."

Bruce sighed, a bit desperately. This was not what he'd expected. He had never imagined having to babysit Gordon nor had he ever thought the Commissioner could be such a mess, from only _eggnog_. "Gordon. _Please._"

Suddenly pliant, Gordon nodded and released his prisoner. "M'kkaay…Baaatman" He then smiled goofily and clumsily made his way across the room, already setting his sights on his new target. "Selllliinaaa…have some eggnog!"

Bruce couldn't help the wide smirk from stretching across his face and happy relief from spreading in his chest at the loud anguished groan from across the room. Gordon was her problem now and she deserved to know how it felt like to have her personal space constantly invaded.

"You seem a little too happy there, Batman," Joker said playfully, "What happened to gruff, rough, and serious?" He reached into his pockets and slipped out a small knife, twirling it between his fingertips. "Do you even knooow how to cut loose?"

"It's a party…" Bruce trailed off before his eyes narrowed and he darted forward, snatching the blade from Joker's nimble fingers. He ignored the exaggerated pout he received and continued. "Besides I do know how to 'cut loose'…"

Joker hooted and elbowed Harvey. "Suure Batsy! You're just a regular o'l party animal!"

Harvey snorted and elbowed Joker back. He peered over the rim of his cup at Batman before gulping down the rest of his drink and leaning over to the madman, whispering into his ear. Joker struggled to maintain a straight face but soon the prince of chaos was reduced to a shaking quivering mess, peals of laughter echoing throughout the room. "Hoo hoo hoo, HAR-VEY!" He gasped. "I never KNEW you were suuuuch a _comediaaan!_ "

Harvey shrugged, a smile locked on half of his face, and set his cup down on a table. He patted the bristling Batman on the shoulder pityingly and strode forward to save Selina from Gordon. _Someone _had to, or poor Gordon would end up in a dumpster somewhere.

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It was a haze. Everything was a haze. Bruce couldn't tell which way was right or left. He clutched his cowl and groaned. Something wasn't right here. He felt way too hot in his suit and he was itching to peel everything off; only the fear of everyone knowing who the Bat was, kept him from doing so.

"Baaats.." someone whined, "everything's bluurry…make it stooop.."

Bruce stirred from his spot on the couch, briefly lucid enough to realize the voice was way too close at him. Eyes bleary, he looked down and saw purple…and green. Slowly his vision focused and he saw green tinged blonde hair pressed against his chest and a huddled purple suit clad body in his lap. A whimper rose from his lap as the weight shifted and he was suddenly staring into two pain filled green orbs. The face paint was streaked and half wiped off but he'd recognized those eyes anywhere. "Joker?" He breathed.

"Hnn?" Green eyes squeezed together tightly then opened, filled with more anguish than before. "Bats, what _happened_?" A purple gloved hand rose to his forehead and he winced. "Ohhhh…my heaaad.."

Swallowing the panic in his throat, Bruce slid his hands around Joker's slim hips, ready to push him off. Only the frown and plain misery etched across the man's face stopped him from doing so. Instead, his grip tightened, pulling him closer, and one hand rose to grab the man's chin. "Joker," He rumbled, "_What. Did. You. Do?_"

Joker's eyes widened in disbelief. "You think _I _did something?" He massaged his temples and glared at Bruce. "Do you think this is _funny_? Why would I do something like _this? _No bombs, no explosions, no _pointy_ things?" He thumped Bruce in the chest. "Do you even _know _me?"

Bruce didn't respond and looked past his nemesis. His jaw unhinged and dropped open when he realized that everyone was in similar, if not worse, conditions.

Selina was draped on top of a table, her hair pooled around her and her mouth wide open, most likely forming a puddle of drool.

Harley and Ivy were slumped together in a corner. They were awake though, glazed eyes and dreamy sighs being the only indicators.

Bruce looked around to the other side of the room and his eyes met Bane's confused ones. Bane's lap, like his own, was occupied except he had a handful of unconscious John and not insulted crazy. Bane's arms clasped more securely around John before moving him into a more comfortable position on his lap. Only briefly disorientated, Bane quickly went alert and his eyes pierced Bruce's. "Tell me what happened." His voice dark, accusing, and only slightly groggy through his mask.

Joker snapped at him, offended that the big brute thought _his _dark knight had something to do with this. "Just _what _are you _implying _here?"

About to reply, Bane was interrupted by a woozy Harvey entering the room. "I think," he sniggered, "I _think _I just peed in the sink…"

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They were all sitting on the floor when Selina's voice rang out from the hallway. "I found him!"

After a few curses, gasps, and heaves, she entered the main room again with Gordon's barely conscious form dragging behind her. "He was passed out on the ground." A pause, and they see her tilt her head back at his body. "And he's missing his shoes.."

She dumps his body next to Harvey and then drops down next to Ivy. "So has anyone figured out _why _I have such a big headache and can't remember.." She looks at her wrist. "…what happened for the past three-ish hours?"

"Maybe it was something we ate?" Harley suggests.

"Or drank.." adds in Ivy.

They all look at her. "What?" She leans back on her hands, legs splayed out in front of her. "I mean, didn't y'all notice how much eggnog we _drank_?"

"You're right," murmurs John. "I drank soo much…I can still feel it slosh around in my belly.." Bane nods in accordance, one of his large hands patting John's stomach.

"Who made the eggnog?" asked Bruce, hoping it wasn't who he thought it was.

"Harvey did." Joker pointed. "You sonuvabitch! You _drugged _us!" He lunges forward, a mad grin on his face. "Lemme show you what happens to- Ecck!"

Bruce's fingers curl over Joker's collar and yanks him back, choking him, a bit relieved it hadn't been Joker in charge of refreshments. "Hold it!" He snarls. "Let him explain first."

"You're no fun, Batsy!" Joker cries, "He _ruined_ us **and** this truce-party!"

"I don't care!"

Harvey scoots backward, frighteningly aware of the murderous intent radiating off everyone. "I..I..uh..have a confession to make!" He gulps and drags his knees up to his chest, protectively. "I…didn't make the eggnog.."

"You LIAR!" bellows Joker, and lunges again, this time hard enough to cause Bruce to grit his teeth in pain at having to restrain him. "LET. GO. BATMAN." He hisses.

Bruce struggles to keep hold of the writhing lunatic and so almost misses when Bane speaks up, low and gravely. "That is an inadequate explanation and excuse so far. Please continue before **I **choose to harm you myself." His gaze drops to John and softens slightly. "And if there is permanent damage…" His trails off, threat clear.

"Well…you see…I _meant _to do it myself, but..Crane…was a little sad that he wouldn't be able to make it to the party sooo I _thought _letting him prepare the eggnog himself..would..cheer him up.." Harvey meekly confesses.

A moment of silence before Harley shrieks. "You did _WHAAAT_?!"

"Ow! Ow! Oww!" Howls Joker and he grips the sides of his head. "Jee-sus! Harls, what are you," He turns to her, features locked in a harsh grimace. "A banshee or something?!"

Selina scowls as well, agreeing with Joker. "Tone it down, my head can't take much more!"

"Sorry…" Harley drops her gaze. "I didn't mean to hurt nobody.."

Ivy rubs her back. "It's okay. Now back to what Harvey was saying." She swivels her body and leans forward. "So..you _let_ the crazy nut make our eggnog?"

"He let _Scarecrow, _make our eggnog?" Gordon, finally waking up out of his stupor, chimes in somewhat confused. "You really did that?" He gives Harvey a hurt look. "_Why _would you do _that_?"

"I don't know," wails Harvey. "It _seemed _like a good idea at the time!"

"Nevermind that." They turn to Bane. "What's important, is if it was dangerous."

"I..I don't know."

"Well," sighs Joker, "there's no other choice. We need to puke up everything – just to make sure." He claps his hands together energetically and smirks. "Who's gonna let me punch them in the gut, first?" He sneers at Bruce and hiccups a breathy laugh. "How 'bouts it Bats? Feelin' braaave?"


	3. Part III

"This isn't helping, you know."

"Not at all." Selina agrees. "Honestly, out of all of us, I thought _he _was the most mature one." She pauses, then adds on. "Well at least the most level headed one…right?"

Ivy shakes her head. "I don't know what the people of Gotham see in him – the whole hero thing, I mean – he's just a dude obsessed with the color black who got too bored one day and decided to interrupt_ our _fantastic lives in order to get his jollies."

"Really?" Harley cuts in. "I don't think that at all…actually there's no evidence to support your theory.."

"Evidence?" Huffs Ivy. "There's your evidence." She narrows her eyes and just her chin forward.

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Batman and Joker are rolling on the ground, locked in a wrestling match that seems more playful than violent.

"Take that!" bellows Bruce as he swings at Joker, nearly clipping him in the temple.

Joker giggles and delivers a punch where Bruce's gut should have been had he not dodged swiftly. "How's that for damage?!"

They continue to exchange blows and sprout silly lines, causing all to roll their eyes, until Bruce suddenly stops and doubles over, gasping. He whines – it's too much, even for Batman too handle. The pressure in his head increases, throbbing and pulsing, and his body flushes hot and cold all over. "H-help!" He cries. The burst of pain had been so spontaneous, he couldn't prepare for how excruciating and strong it was and so he did what any other would do.

He collapsed.

"Bats?!"

Joker panics. He stares in horror at the crumpled figure on the ground. Batman…is unconscious? No. It simply can't be. _His _bats never dropped like that. _His _dark knight was stronger than that. Much, much stronger. "BATMAN! WAKE UP!" He pounds a fist onto the man's back. "THIS ISN'T FUNNY, DAMNIT!"

He ignores the hands pulling at his body, the other party guests attempts to haul him off, and continues pounding away with both fists. "Wake Up, Damn-AHHH." He convulses. The pain. It feels as if his head is being torn apart, the flesh and bone being ripped open with claws, and his precious brain being poked by nails and snipped by scissors. No wonder Batman had passed out. With hurt like this, it wasn't such a bad idea. "D-do s-something." He stutters and he's out, like a rock, eyes rolling back into his skull.

"Mistah J!" Harley cries and looks wildly around. "What's happening?!"

"A side effect of the eggnog?" suggests Ivy, her eyebrows furrowed as a low ring steadily rises higher in her head. She can feel a headache coming. "Maybe the c-clown was r-right and we sh-should p-puke it up." She grits her teeth, it's a slow burning ache consuming her head instead of a fast one and she knows she'll end up on the ground soon.

"Kyle!" shouts Gordon.

Next to her, she sees Selina slump to the floor without any warning. No cries, no yells, nothing. It had worked much harder and faster on her, apparently, and Ivy can't help but be relieved it wasn't Harley.

When Bane roars, she doesn't even have to look to know that John is now limp in his arms. Those still standing, tremble in fear, especially Harvey. He quakes and steps back, faltering when the pain that had subdued the others pierces his forehead. "Ohhhh.." He groans, grabbing his temples, and drops.

Seeing the bodies around, Gordon remembers something he'd seen earlier. With purpose and desperation, he runs out of the room to the kitchen before he passes out as well.

Ivy would follow him, but she is distracted by the pained whimper near her. "I-Ivy.." Harley clings to her shoulder. "I c-can't t-take this p-pain!" There are tears in her eyes as she pleads. "M-make it st-stop."

Ivy's heart clenches as she stares into her better-half's eyes. She knows what's coming when she hears the harsh cry and she catches Harley's limp form. She gently lowers Harley to the ground, her breath hitching at the heavy pounding pain now searing through her head. She must hold out. She glances over at Bane and notes how protectively he is holding John. His face is drawn and tight, she knows he is suffering as well, but he is standing steady and strong. His giant body, a brick wall against the darkness that has almost consumed her.

"You have not fallen like the others."

"I d-did not d-drink as m-much, I s-suppose." She explains.

"Neither did I."

Gordon rushes in, panting, with streams of tears running down his face. He manages to hold out long enough to throw a small bottle at her, a strangled "T-take this!" gurgling past his throat, and then he joins the other bodies on the floor.

Ivy just barely catches the bottle and struggles to clear her blurry wet eyes. How Bane is holding out so well mystifies her and she feels jealous. She turns the bottle in her hands, finds what she's looking for, and runs her fingers over the label. _Ipecac?_

**Ipecac.**

She only needs a second to process what the content of the bottle is and what it will do; and she's twisting the cap and hurriedly taking a swig, her fingers trembling and hope in her eyes. She then screws the cap back on and raises a hand to her lips. She meets Bane's questioning eyes and feels the corners of her mouth rise into a twisted, relieved smile. She can feel it working in her stomach quickly and she quivers, a burning sensation now at the back of her throat and an acidic taste filling her mouth.

_Holy crap, it really does work fast_, is all she can think before she's on her feet, stumbling into the bathroom. One second after she's thrown the toilet lid up, her body is wracked with shudders and she's violently puking into the porcelain bowl.

Bane picks up the bottle that had been tossed in Ivy's mad dash to the bathroom and studies it. He can hear her throwing up and decides that it is the best solution to this mess, only because it is the _only _solution they have. He hefts John over his shoulder and speedily opens the door to outside. He lowers John into a kneeling position, keeping a arm around the man's waist for support, and slaps him awake. He knows John will forgive him for this and so the ache of having to hurt him eases a little.

When John stirs, he opens the bottle and pours it into John's unsuspecting mouth. John protests and tries to spit the offending liquid out but Bane clamps a hand over his mouth and tips his head back, forcing him to swallow. "I am sorry, but this is for your own good." He removes his hand and John coughs, glaring weakly at Bane.

"What did I just drink?"

Bane offers no response and instead begins to rub John's back as he sees the green tint already take over his habibi's face.

John glowering stops when he feels his stomach turn over and push what he'd eaten earlier, up. "Wh-what the _hell_ did I dri-" John's body lurches and he's hacking up vomit. His flings his hands forward onto the ground to brace himself as mouthful after mouthful of puke splatters the ground.

Bane turns, giving John the privacy he's so sure the detective wants, and decides that before he ingests the ipecac himself, he must help the others. Knowing that Batman would offer the most help, he goes over to the black kevlar suited body and shakes him awake. "Batman." He demands. "Drink this now."

Bruce doesn't hesitate. Bane's eyes plus all the unconscious bodies around him tell him all he needs to know and how dire the situation is. He recognizes the taste immediately – having accidentally drunken some when he was a boy – and steels himself for what's coming next, clumsily standing and heading to the kitchen sink.

Bane goes to work on Selina and he's helping her take a sip, when Ivy stumbles out of the bathroom, wiping her mouth with a wet towel. "Let me help." She says.

He beckons her over and then hands her the bottle. She watches him drag Selina outside then hurries to Harley.

Bruce enters the room again, after thoroughly rinsing out his mouth, to find it empty save for Gordon, Harvey and a twitching Joker – slowly waking on his own. He finds the ipecac bottle laying in the middle of the floor, one third of the liquid left. "Oh…Joker is definitely not going to like this.." He murmurs, already yanking the smaller man up, and forcing the now half-conscious maniac to drink a small amount.

"B-bats?" Joker swallows and grabs Bruce's arm. "Is th-that…d-did you just give me…_Ipecac_?"

And because Bruce can't help himself, he grins. "Yup." He pops the p sound.

"_Oh fuck."_

And Joker runs out of the room to the sink Bruce had just abandoned.

0000000000

They're all seated on the floor again, pale faced this time. After heaving their guts out, they're all a little peeved and tired.

"Can we open gifts now?"

Bruce drops his head into his hands. Of course that's all that Joker cares about.

"Well, can we?"

"Fine, Joker. Fine. Let's open gifts, so we can all go home from this blasted party as soon as possible."

"Thanks, Bats," Joker smiles sweetly, "I knew you had my back."

Bruce gets up and goes to the tree and starts handing out colorful bags and gift wrapped boxes. "For John. Bane. Harley. Ah, this one's for you Gordon." He picks up another gift and turns the package in his hands searching for the name.

"Oh that's for Ivy." clarifies Harvey. "And that other one is for you. I forgot to put the names on a few of mine, sorry."

Bruce continues to hand out gifts, feeling a bit sheepish when he comes to a familiar sparkly purple package. He places it to the side, wanting it to be the last gift Joker opens.

Finally, there are nice sized stacks in front of each of them and they quickly begin to tear into them, exclamations of thanks and joy filling the air.

Bruce watches Joker with a playful grin as his nemesis rips apart through each gift. Not one to be patient, Joker is soon surrounded by piles of tattered tissue and gift-wrapping paper. All the things he's recieved are placed neatly in a bag and he thanks everyone with a politeness and niceness Bruce hadn't known he could possess.

Soon he's by Bruce's side with his hands clasped behind his back. "Are you done now, Batsy?" He cocks his head to the side. "Finish with your other gifts already, I want to give you mine." His eyes gleam with an eagerness of a jittery puppy. "Hur-ry Batmaaan!"

So Bruce hurries and he's quite pleased with what he's gotten. These people know him better than those who associate and claim they're friends with Bruce Wayne. In hindsight, that should say how sad his life is, but he doesn't care at the moment. He's happy. "Thank you," he exclaims and gives everyone a bright charismatic smile, usually reserved only for use while in his Wayne persona.

They are all a bit dazzled by the mega watt grin and then are back to their gift opening and hugging.

He faces Joker again who's pouting at the attention his bats is giving to everyone else but him. He holds out his hand. "Alright, where's the gift you're so excited to give me?"

Joker hesitates for a moment, but then deciding that he really can't wait much longer for Batman's reaction to his gift, he pushes it into the man's hand. "Here."

Bruce carefully peels apart the black wrapping paper, nodding in approval at the color, and opens the black cardboard box underneath. He finds himself staring at a rather astonishing array of things.

There are two pairs of silk boxers – one solid black with a pattern of silver animated bats spread across and the other one purple with green bats instead. Bruce quirks an eyebrow. _Very subtle, _he thinks sardonically.

Next, there is a pair of impressive black shades. He wonders where Joker got them from and if they were stolen but one look at the goofy grin on the prince of laughs' face and he pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind.

After that, he pulls out a white t-shirt with a giant purple smiley face in the middle. Over it in neon green letters is ove of Joker's favorite phrases "Why So _Serious_?" Bruce chuckles. He's never going to wear it in public, but he already knows there'll be many days spent lying around the mansion wearing the tee.

Finally, there is a notebook paper drawing of himself in his kevlar with a wide red grin done in crayon. _Really? _He pulls Joker into a hug, burying his face into the crook of his neck, muffling his laughter. Honestly, the man was enigma. An amusing one though and since it's the holidays, he allows for this.

Joker is brimming over with pride at Batman's reaction and relaxes into the hug for a few minutes. All too soon it ends though and he's poking Bats, demanding to know where _his _gift is.

Bruce gives him a lazy grin, but picks up the purple package and offers it to Joker. "Stop poking me, here's your present already."

As expected, Joker pulls the paper apart in hurried strips, and mewls with delight when his gaze lands on the surprise lying underneath.

A case full of all sorts and types of knifes, from serrated to needle point, with either gleaming purple or green handles, and for the finishing touch, a engraved J was found at the base of each blade. Made for Joker and only Joker.

Bruce watches those green eyes light up, and while he just knows some of those blades will be used on **him**, his heart tugs at the sight. Alfred had warned him about the gift and he'd almost gone with a different idea, but now he's relieved that he hadn't.

"Bats…"

"Don't say anything." His voice more gruff than he intended for it to be. "Try not to stab me too hard with them in the future."

"No promises." Joker cackles evilly. "You've sealed your fate already."

"Hardly." Bruce snorts, smugly.

0000000000

"Can I get a ride?"

Pause and sigh. "To where?"

"A few blocks from home would be nice."

Another sigh. "Okay, but we leave now and this is the only time."

Joker opens his mouth, but Bruce cuts him off, still not done speaking. "_And _we don't ever speak of it again. **And **no **touching** _anything _in the Tumbler, okay?"

He hangs his head and agrees sullenly. What a killjoy his batsy is.

"Cheer up. I'll let you choose the radio station we listen to on the way there."

Joker perks up. "I'll make you regret it."

Bruce sighs once more. "I know."


End file.
